That about sums up last night.
Arrived in T-town last night, and hit the town with my lil' sis and crew:
Rock Star Boy Friend (RSBF), Linda Blair & her NYC roomie, Bad Ass, and the petite, evil
tequila pusher from Emerald City, Moose.
We hit some bar that I was not familiar with and I ordered an Italian beer. I noticed an old school hot dog machine, like you might find at the Drive In, behind the bar.
What up with that, I wondered. According to Princess Juicy Shrub Hugger (PJSH), the bar is famous for its hot dog shots that involve hollowing out the casings and filling them with Blueberry Schnapps! That thought alone is enough to request the vomit bucket. But more on that later.
Linda told us about her sister's upcoming nuptials and the fact that her sister broke her foot recently (something about drinking Saki bombers and roller skating). She apparently plans to walk, er roll, down the aisle tomorrow night with one roller skate on. On her good foot, I guess.
That's about the time that the 1st tequila shot arrived. And I distinctly remember mentioning, actually warning, Moose the Tequila pusher that tequila had a dangerous, LSD effect on Scandalous Housewife.
It seemed harmless enough. Except that the purchaser, Moose, had secretly laced it with formaldehyde and dry cleaner fluid. Then, he did the same with the 2nd one he placed before me, a short time later, except that he added rat poison for good measure.
The rest of this tale will be "as told to me by PJSH":
After the 2nd shot, I "reeled" for a bit, told some rambling stories, then put my head between my knees and refused to move. PJSH tried to persuade me that it was time to go home, but I protested & refused to move. I then announced that I needed to toss my cookies. PJSH offered 2 options: bathroom or behind the fence of the patio we were sitting on (which happened to be closer).
I apparently refused both options, but continued the topic of needing to throw up.
Suddenly, it dawned on PJSH, the last time she was in the exact bar, only 1 year previous, her friend, Ding Dong, was passed out on bench, inside the bar, with the same tossing cookie scenario. The bartender was kind enough to provide a bucket to stick next to her face.
At this mention, Linda retrieved said bucket from the bartender and placed it between my legs, where my head was hanging.
I finally agreed to leave after RSBF drove the car around, through the alley, and backed it up to the fence that PJSH had previously suggested I throw up over. After placing me in the backseat and placing the bucket next to me, I prayed a special prayer into the bucket, as PJSH held my hair. When I had finished my bucket work, I raised up and said something about having a purse, to which PJSH responded, "Do you mean your $700 Stuart Weitzman?", and I was unable to answer. Not to worry, she handed it to Joe in the front seat, next to RSBF.
PJSH then waved good-bye, and phoned my bro, Johnny Knoxville, to warn him of what was heading his way.
"So, let me get this straight, you took sister out with your friends, got her drunk, while I stayed home with the kids, and now your sending her home with your boyfriend and a bucket of puke, and you're not even coming with her, so you can stay out partying with your friends. Do I have that straight?", Johnny inquired.
PJSH answered, "That's correct".
WTF happened to Scandalous Housewife? 2 tequila shots and I'm in bucket-ville? I mean, I remember my 1st introduction to tequila my Freshman year at OU. I was at the Sigma Chi house at a function, on my birthday. The "bartender" said, "What? It's your birthday? How old are you? 19? You need to take 19 tequila shots!"
Oh yeah? I've never had tequila shots. How do you do it?
5 lick the salt, shoot and suck the limes later, I was buzzed, but not in need of a bucket. Well, I was a little more than buzzed, and got in a car with my pledge sister, Desiree, and we drove to Dallas. But hey, that's another story. The point is the bucket part.
Oh, want to see the infamous bucket?
Good thing JK cleaned it out, or can you imagine what the hot sun would be doing?
"I'm telling you: Wine, beer, tequila, in that order, is a recipe for puking in a bucket"- Johnny Knoxville.
Thanks, Johnny. I had wine, too? Oh, yeah. I did have a glass earlier that evening.
And, as luck would have it, Baby Doll woke up this morning with pink eye.
And, I was in no mood to play the role of "Mother" this morning. But, after a quick stop at Queenies, with chin up, I headed to the minor emergency clinic and received some antibiotic drops for my baby girl.
Footnote:
While picking up the prescription at Walgreens, I noticed this Hawk, or whateves, devouring a pigeon above the front door.
Yeah, lovely.
And his other victim lay waiting at my feet.
Time for another bucket...
whirlwind comings and goings with the fam. 
